Dating Rules: Selling Yourself vs. Being Yourself


When it comes to dating it seems there are strict rules that most suggest you follow until the fish is on the hook. 

There have been discussions about who should pick the restaurant and pay the check, how far in advance the date should be scheduled and even how long to wait to call after for a "follow-up". These rules seem to offer a recipe for commitment and true romantic partnership but all it really is doing is delivering lopsided loving. Men and women seem to think that if they "play the game" correctly that a significant other will be the prize. We're advised to be open, but also mysterious. Women should wear make-up, but not try too hard. 

Dating requires a bit of salesmanship.. a nice profile picture, wearing smart clothes, and emphasizing the good parts of your life over the not so good. Many say that this is being fake, but why do we assume that our best selves are fake?

Are we being fake? No, we're not. We are turning our attention not to what others think of us but instead to how we can give the other person the best experience possible. We try to sell ourselves in a way that will make the other person interested. However, the pitch we give can sometimes be determined by our confidence or even how hot the date is. And not only are we the "seller" but also the "buyer", the person with the power to decide whether or not this person is even worth the time and effort. 

This whole process of selling and buying can make dating stressful. Dating is not about "playing by the rules" but about having a good time and making the date as enjoyable as possible for the both of you. That way, no matter what happens, you both win.

And as far as dating rules go, here are three dating rules you should rule OUT.

1. "Don't give the milk away for free, wait at least three dates" - it's said that a person should wait a preordained amount of time (three dates for instance) before beginning a sexual relationship but emotional intimacy is not necessarily achieved in just three dates. Instead of sticking to a rigid rule you should reflect and just see where things go instead of operating under a three-date outline.

2. "play hard to get" - you all know what this means. don't be the first to call or say i love you or even express any sign of emotional neediness. Oh! and you can't forget to wait at least three days to initiate contact after a date or even meeting. If you want to call or text after a nice date or meeting with someone new, then do it! I mean honestly, what's the worst that can happen? Okay, yes, boundaries are important but if you suppress every urge to reveal your feelings you will never learn their capacity for emotional intimacy. The worst thing that might happen is that you get rejected, but try not to take it too personally. 

3. "Be easy, light, and giggly" - This goes more so for women than men, obviously. Women are conditioned to be a little ditzy because it's been known to attract male flirtation. A lot of women feel that in order for a guy to want to spend time with her she has to act in an easy, breezy (beautiful cover girl! sorry i had to! ha!) manner. However, if this isn't your true mood or no where near your own unique personality, STOP. Why? Because he will not be getting to know the true you. If you're dumbing down your personality for someone and they're attracted to it, then they aren't attracted to the real you, because they don't know the real you!

Dating shouldn't have to be as complicated as we have made it, but the reality is, that it is, and will most likely continue to get more complicated. 

Comment and let me know your opinions on it because I would LOVE to know what's going on in others minds about the 'dating rules' and etc.

Until next time!
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